the good and the bad

good news - we finally got to the horse races and made our bets.

bad news - we lost horribly. shouldn't have bet the farm.

now news - were off to ftw tattoo for some team tats.

stay tuned super fans!

a bit of a hold up

were back fans! we have gone on a bit of a hiatus because it ends up that the horse races that we are supposed to bet on are not running until 2. so in the meantime we have been driving all over the place completing other tasks, including getting our teams picture with 3 different strippers!

"A" team and peanut gallery have nothing on us. jerkfaces.

going to the races

just completed our 1st roadblocked challenge where we needed to count way too many bricks and other stuff. now we are off to the horse races to win big. theres no way rhe other teams have my horse knlowledge. = was raised by wolves you know.

update 2

ok so we got a bit waylayed at the evergreen ballroom, as we were looking for it not its remains. but it works out as all the other teams jumped ahead thinking they would beat us by doing the race. we showed them by kicking their behinds with taco bell photoshoots.

we caught up with the other teams at the freedom bridge and didnt have to wait. we are coming up on our next stop. we are so awesome.

the race has begun.

sorry for the delay, we were busy being awesome. we have just completed the first leg of the race where we had to endure the elements solve math and eat epic amounts of catfood coffee hot sauce and twinkies. we then proceeded to harass a barista at a local starbucks as well as completing our bonus box of supporting our local hillbillies. the other teams have a lot to fear.

Intimidating Phone Messages

3.14 Rates do not back down, EVER! Other teams want to talk smack, we act smack! Just look at what I did to this poor woman who decided that grapes were free if you take them one at a time. Unacceptable

We have arrived

This morning ms. Krest and I made the flight to portland and are currently waiting for our police escort to arrive before we start our run to the Ahola residence for our upcoming conclave regarding our strategy. see, we do not dot anything easy. for the last four days, I have been carrying becca to work in her car while she wrestles a grizzly bear. this is just a light training for whats to come. while I carry her in her car, she is quizzing me on all sorts of triva in Russian (a language I do not speak) snd guess what? I got every single one of them right. we do nothing easy, it is just who we are because it is what we do. it is ok to cry now.

News on the Home Front

Found in the Wilsonville Spokesman
Portland, OR - Who says you can't learn anything from skipping school? Early Monday morning, Roland Thomas, a fifth grader at Buckland Elementary, was planning to meet up with some friends at the local gas station for a day of truancy. Instead, he found a reason to stay in school. "I was looking over my shoulder to see if my mom was following me (again)" say a bewildered Roland, "and then next thing I know, theres this crazy guy shouting at me to get to class, going 'Jaber, jaber' and kept repeating '3-1-4' over and over." When asked if he planned to skip class again, Thomas nervously laughed from the back of the Portland PD cruiser, "Not even for an Infinity Drago Bakugan."

Its all coming together

To increase our awesomeness by at least 57% some of our adventuring gear has been ordered. It is being shipped to our captains humble abode. Be ready because we are just getting started!!

Absolute Domination

That is what we do - absolutely dominate. You, your car, the soap you use in the shower, the guy in the street that directs traffic. When we arrive on the scene, everything goes according to how we want it with absolute authority. You may think that you have it under control, but when any of us come around the corner, you will wet yourself from fear.

The 3.14 Rates uses five tools of terror. They are as follows:

1) Ignorance - Once we have our minds made up, there is no changing it no matter what. We know where we are going, no matter what google maps tells us. It says that we should make a left at Sturbridge Ave, we say your wrong Google Maps, we're going straight.

2) Dark Humor - theres nothing light and fluffy about us. Our jokes are downright cynical and ominous . Our blond jokes are about brunettes, because blondes are not dark, nor are they funny.

3) Making fun of you - It's too easy

4) Sarcasm - I guess you were right, you are no match for us. I mean, forgive me for thinking otherwise, what with your wooden leg and floral patterned blouse. What was I thinking?

5) Kicking your ass - #$%& yeah we will!

I mean, Just look at this photo:

This is what we do. Don't mess with the 314.

Winning Formula (behind the scenes)

Over the past 3 months, I have been focused on the Hidden Forest Race at each of my spare moments of free time. I have subjected my body, soul and mind to countless punishment, all to be a better team captain. I find myself at night with my eyes closed, but quietly visualizing my way through the streets, roads and towns of NW Washington. I do not allow myself to go to sleep each night unless I practice my acceptance speech and grasp the air trophy that I ache to be mine. During a typical day at work, I look for things that we cannot see unless we observe with all of my senses. I find the looks I get from people encouraging as they wonder, DO I REALLY PAY HIS SALARY?

I wonder if the efforts I have put before myself will pay off. I practice yelling at Kill Zone for no good reason, just to see if she has the stones to put up with me again. Some might call that insane, I call that building the emotional wall to victory. I send Kill Zone on random tasks, for no other reason but to keep her mind sharp and focused. While she sleeps every night, I stand next to the bed with ocean music playing in the background and whispering into her ear chants of praise and audio ques to increase race day performance. Some might call that psycho, I call that motivating the subconcious.

Will this winning formula pay off? In less than 2 weeks 2/5ths of the 3.14Rates will be primed and on edge to collect their 1st Hidden Forest Trophy!